


sore backs

by hemothorax



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Body Dysphoria, Idol-Verse, Implied Bullying, M/M, at the end, but its cute, i swear i intended this to be really cute, its rlly cute i swear, its supposed to be soft and wholesome, please love jisol, slight angst?? i dont know, that one soulmate trope where you feel their pain, trans!vernon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-22 17:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17667038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemothorax/pseuds/hemothorax
Summary: In this world, you and your soulmate have a specific soul bond to feel each other's pain.Starting from Middle School, Joshua's soulmate seemed to always have a sore back.[dedicated to my irl danny for being such a beautiful soul <3]





	sore backs

**Author's Note:**

> this is a note!!
> 
> i've never written a piece with a trans character, but i did do my best to research real experiences of trans people, and tried to portray everything accurately. i am a cis pansexual woman, so if there's anything that seems weird or out of place, PLEASE tell me! i wish to be educated and not ignorant.
> 
> also, i hope yall enjoy the story. ive had it in my head for a little while, and finally got around to writing it from a sudden burst of inspiration. kudos are appreciated! thank you!

  
In this world, you and your soulmate have a specific soul bond to feel each other's pain.

Starting from Middle School, Joshua's soulmate seemed to always have a sore back.

Joshua remembers the first really vivid pain he got from his soulmate. He felt really tight in his chest all day, like he couldn't breathe, and then the day after, his back was  _ insanely  _ sore. It went away over the weekend, but that cycle repeated. Over the course of a few months, the tight chest feeling lessened, and all that remained was what seemed like a constant sore back.

In Joshua's last year of middle school, he realized that he was gay. Living in LA and being surrounded by accepting friends and family, coming out lifted the biggest weight off his chest. He had a support system, and his friends didn't treat him any different than they used to.

Joshua's had his fair share of unusual pains form his soulmate. A hurting shoulder, a cricked neck from sleeping weird, and every once in a while he got really bad lower back pains. But, the timing of these pains were always so off. It would happen at night, and he'd wake up with the pains. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that his soulmate probably lived somewhere outside of America and across the ocean.

That sucked.

Joshua wanted nothing more than to meet his soulmate, the person he was destined to love forever, the other half of his soul. It was something he dreamed about ever since he was young. His parents were soulmates, and they always told him that the universe would bring a pair together, at some point in their life.

Around his Sophomore year in high school, Joshua had the most intense, stabbing,  _ throbbing  _ pain in his lower abdomen. It was like someone had reached into his guts and was twisting everything around, and he felt sick to his stomach. He left his classroom without a word, and rushed to the bathroom, feeling like he was going to throw up. In all honesty, Joshua didn't know if this was his own body being upset at something he ate at lunch, or something terrible happened to his soulmate, and he happened to get the same feelings.

He stayed there for a few minutes, then the pains settled down for a little, but the rest of the day he felt incredibly uncomfortable, like he ate something bad and just can't get it out of his body.

When he got home, he told his mother that he felt like he had a stomach bug, and spent the rest of his day laying on his bed. He twisted and turned, but the pains didn't really go away. They did dull down, but there was this constant pulsing that he felt, and he felt absolutely miserable.

Joshua felt okay to go to school the next day, and noticed that the pains were a lot duller compared to the previous day. He was still waiting for it to suddenly hit him super hard and he would have to crawl to the school bathrooms again, but it didn't happen.

It went away really fast, and Joshua decided it must have been his soulmate. Whatever they did, it hurt like hell for a bit.

_ Probably ate something bad. _

 

 

About a week later, Joshua woke up with a jolt in the middle of the night, wind knocked from his lungs like he was slammed into by a bodybuilder. He was feeling kicks against his stomach, causing him to curl into the fetal position and try to protect himself, but he realized that his wasn't the same pain he felt. He felt like he was being  _ actually  _ kicked, like someone was-

_ someone was hurting his soulmate! _

He stood up, despite the blows being thrown at him from across the world, and stumbled to his parents room. By the time he got there, all he felt was a dull ache at the places his soulmate was presumably hit. His mother invited him into the bed with a sad gaze.

"Some people are very unlucky, Shua," She'd whisper to him, "When you meet your soulmate, be sure to love him with your entire heart to make up for what you-" She put a finger in the middle of Joshua's chest, "-can feel he's going through."

For the next few days, Joshua felt sore all over. But, as fast as it came, it was gone. The weekend was nice, since his soulmate probably didn't have school, and they'd both live a few pain-free days.

 

 

A month later, Joshua woke up to a throbbing pain in his lower abdomen-  _ again _ .

_ Christ, what the hell does he eat? _

He curled up onto himself, trying to massage his stomach, but the back part of his brain told him that it was basically useless anyway, since it wasn't his pain. He simply lay, curled up in his bed sheets, and tried to block out whatever awful stomach pains his soulmate had again. After a few hours, the pain lessened, and he fell back asleep.

 

 

Almost exactly a month later, the same thing happened to Joshua. He was about to go to sleep, and felt a pain in his lower abdomen, and whimpered as it started to throb.

Joshua wasn't a dim light bulb. He was one of the smarter kids in the school, and somewhere in the back of his brain, it clicked. Part of Joshua didn't want it to be reality. He was  _ gay _ , his soulmate couldn't be a girl! The thought sat there for a little while, stewing around in his brain as he idly felt the cramps come in and go like waves. Eventually, he creeped to the living room to find his mom.

"Mom?" He called out, the TV lighting up the downstairs.

"Yes, sweetie?" Her head peered around the wall, looking at her son.

He walked towards her, finding comfort in just her aura, "I- I think my soulmate.. has periods."

He had mumbled it out, and his mom put a comforting arm around her, "It's okay, sweetheart. They're your soulmate, so you'll love them no matter what. Trust me, honey."

Joshua always trusted his mom, his mom was the most important woman in his life, and it would never change. Even though he surely thought he was gay, maybe he wasn't. Time would have to tell, and he would have to block out the evil thoughts that made him feel unsure about the universe. After all, he hadn't ever seen a failed soulmate couple. He had faith that things would work out in his life.

 

 

It wasn't even a week later when Joshua was surprised by a pinch on his butt. He rubbed the spot, frowning at what the actual hell his soulmate was doing. Bit by a bug? On their ass? God, what a soulmate to have.

 

 

Another week later, he got the pinch, but this time on his thigh. It was right at the moment he was doing research into some sort of audition for an overseas company. Honestly, Joshua took it as some sort of stupid sign to send in an audition tape, and wait for a response. Becoming a performer was something Joshua could have only dreamed of, and maybe he had to travel across the world to South Korea to make his dream come true. Sure, he'd have to seriously brush up on his korean, but if he ever got accepted, he could do it.

In all honesty, the boy had forgotten that he ever sent in the audition tape until he checked his email a few days after auditioning.

 

**Joshua Hong, this email is to inform you of the acceptance into PLEDIS Entertainment in South Korea. We ask for you to travel as soon as possible. The company will cover flying costs. You will be accepted as a trainee to prepare for an upcoming boy group.**

 

He read it. And read it again. He couldn't believe it. This was his chance! His chance to make a living off something he loved, to travel to new countries and explore the culture! His heart raced with excitement, but the front door opening reminded him of what he would have to sacrifice. His family, his friends, his school.. he'd be leaving it all behind. But to chase his dream? To one day be able to tell his parents thank you for believing in him?

He kept reading the e-mail, and did research on the company's other artists, and came to a decision at the end of the night.

Joshua was going to fly to South Korea.

But.. there was one problem. His parents didn't even know he auditioned for the company, since he (truthfully) didn't have much hope he would be admitted into the company anyway. He had thought that they wouldn't look at a foreigner, and honestly didn't have much confidence in his singing, but this was his dream. He would have to tell his parents, especially if he wanted to fly out in..

 

**Please e-mail us for further information about your flight. It is expected to be booked within the next few days.**

 

..in a  _ few days _ .

He felt another pinch in his leg, and flinched a little, stretching out his leg to get the nerves to wake up. He had to tell them now, or he wouldn't tell them at all.

Joshua took his laptop and rushed into the living room, "Mom? Dad?"

Both of them looked up from their spots on the couch, his dad having just came home, "What is it, Josh?"

He walked up to them. His chest was suddenly filled with this tight anxiousness, threatening to squeeze his heart to a pulp. He was about to tell them he wanted to fly across the world to a country he's never been to, and live at some random company he had never heard of until a few days ago. The reality of the situation made his voice get caught in his throat, and suddenly his mind was going millions of miles an hour.

His dad, sensing the uneasiness, sat up a little more, "Joshua, what's bothering you?"

He took a breath.

_ Here it is _ .

_ Now or never _ .

"I got accepted into an entertainment company in South Korea to become part of a boy group."

The air went completely still, and he could choke on the tension that suddenly encompassed the air. The only thing keeping the deafening silence away was the crime show that played on TV.

"You- you what?" Joshua's mother spoke up.   
  
He took a breath, starting to explain the situation with an uneasy voice.

"A-A few days ago, I saw some ad for auditions to become a trainee in a company named Pledis Entertainment. I didn't think I'd get in, so I sent an audition tape of me singing and playing the guitar. And.. turns out.." He turned his laptop towards them, showing the email from the same email he sent his audition tape to, "..They accepted me.. and want me to fly out within the next.. few.. days.."

He trailed off at the end of his sentence, his hands clammy and shaky from the nervousness that was threatening to explode, boiling at the brink. Both of his parents stared at the screen, reading, re-reading, and re-re-reading the email that faced them. His father was the first one to break the silence.

"Is this something you want to do?"

Joshua took a moment to think about. This was a company, emailing him and basically giving him a guaranteed chance at being put into a boy group to sing and become a voice for people. Sure, he'd have to do some training, but he would be doing his passion for a living.

"Yes.. It is." He stated after a moment.

His parents turned to each other, sharing a knowing look like they were communicating in their heads.   
  
"We're proud of you."   
  
He nearly dropped his laptop, but started tearing up at those four words. He set the laptop down, letting all the crushing emotional baggage he's been holding in for months spill out. He hadn't felt this kind of weight off his shoulders since he came out, and he was so, so relieved his parents were okay with him flying out to South Korea.   
  
"Thank you, thank you so much for believing in me." He hugged them, starting to cry into their arms.   
  
"You're worth it, sweetie. Of course you're worth it." He looked up at his mother through the tears, and she put a hand on his face.   
  
"Now, what are you waiting for? Email them back, and let’s get packing!"

  
  
  


The moment he landed in South Korea, his heart had lurched. Joshua had landed with a basic understanding of Korean, a suitcase packed with clothes and necessities, and an entire new world to face. Honestly, he wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to get to the entertainment building he was put into. Does he just take a cab? Do people take cabs? What if they turn him away, would he have to go back home?

His head spun with thoughts that made his brain run and tumble and trip. For now, he just had to make his way through the airport.

He practically stumbled out the terminal, staring at signs of a foreign language he barely knew how to read. His only saving grace was the english translations written below whatever he couldn't decipher. 

He looked like a lost puppy, weaving through people talking so fast he couldn’t comprehend proper sentences.

“Agh-” He suddenly stumbled, leaning against the wall as a sharp pain struck his ankle and a dull thud across his back. His soulmate must have hurt themselves just now.

He hoped they were okay, not doing too much to push the injury further. His soulmate did seem to get hurt a lot, and that worried Joshua a little bit. Hopefully soon, he could maybe (just maybe) meet his soulmate to take care of whoever it was.

Joshua let out a sigh, knowing there’d be no use in trying to massage his ankle, and the soreness of his back coming on stronger than it usually is. Taking the time to wait until the pain was at a minimum, he turned his phone on to update his parents.

 

**To: momma**

**I arrived safely! I think I’ll be taking a cab to the building. Not sure what to expect, but I have a good feeling!**

 

**From: momma**

**Thank you for updating!! Your dad and I are so proud of you. Go knock it out of the park!**

 

Joshua smiled fondly at his phone screen, switching to a different app to see how far his destination was from the airport. Honestly, he didn’t even really know where he was. He knows that he took a flight to Incheon International, but was that in Seoul? He felt clueless, searching up how far the building was from the airport.

_ 1 h 41 minutes. _

Well. There was no way he was gonna ask a cab to drive almost two hours to Seoul. The only viable option was taking public transport.

Joshua looked at the options, and realized he’d have to take two busses to get there, then walk down the block to the building. The earliest one left in about ten minutes. 

 

_ Okay. Okay, it’s fine, just grab your baggage from baggage claim and go. _

 

He stood up, wincing at the pain that lingered in his foot from his soulmate, and adjusting his backpack to make it sit more comfortable on his sore back. He started weaving through people, trying to find his baggage drop-off center for his flight, but everything seemed so  _ big _ and  _ different _ . Joshua was sincerely overwhelmed, trying to connect the dots in his brain, but it felt like the flight had toasted his brain to burnt crust.

Truth be told, Joshua got lost a little (a lot), and missed two subway stops, but it’s okay! It’s fine! All that matters is that he has his suitcase, backpack, and carry-on. Now all that was left was to catch an hour long ride to another airport. Because he took so long to find the baggage claim, his trip was now stretched to about two hours.

It was now 3:32 PM in South Korea, the next subway to depart from Incheon was leaving in ten minutes. Joshua was ready to get on that damned subway, into a damn seat, and take a damn nap. He’s only been awake for about three hours, having slept for most of the flight, but jet lag clung to his brain like a sticky fog, making drowsiness set in and try to make him sleep.

He stumbled to the station, grabbing a seat with his luggage between his legs. It felt like he was finally able to breathe.

The entire plane ride to South Korea he felt anxious and tired. He slept for most of the flight, but ended up waking up the last few hours. No matter how desperately he tried, his mind kept running and turning and clouding his mind with doubt. Was he really suited for this? What if they made him get a side job to get his own place? Are they going to house him? How many other trainees were there?

Joshua’s leg bounced the entire way, many failed attempts at distracting himself with social media through the ride. Every time he saw his friends posting, he was immediately reminded of the fact he just up and left his hometown in a matter of days.

Part of him felt guilty, like he abandoned them. He tried reasoning with himself, telling himself that he was doing something all his friends supported. All of them had said they were happy for him, but negative thoughts kept seeping into the cracks of his thoughts.

He put his hand up to his chest, a stinging sensation there, that was entirely caused by him. It hurt a little, like there was a needle in his sternum, and happened a lot when he had bad episodes. He could only hope his soulmate couldn’t feel the homesickness that hurt his chest.

He had only been horribly homesick a few times in his life, and it felt like one of those times. He had pains in his chest, like his heart was clenching. Sometimes Joshua even threw up, but rarely. Usually he just felt really groggy, like he had a cold, and his chest would hurt.

He wanted home. He missed his mom. Joshua left on a whim, and there was a longing piece of him that wanted to go back.

But he was here now. He was chasing his dream, and he was so close. He just needed to persevere. He could do it. For his family, and for himself.

 

 

 

The building was so  _ tall _ . He was petrified, staring at the doors that were his future. His heart thumped loudly in his chest, only thinking of all the Korean he could remember, enough to make conversation, anxiousness making his hands clammy.

He couldn’t hear over his own thoughts, back aching from his soulmate’s soreness and the backpack weighing his shoulders down. People passed by him without a care, some staring at his touristy appearance. If Joshua had the chance, he would stand outside the building for hours, but the trance was broken by a pain shooting up his ankle. His soulmate.. must have a twisted ankle.

Joshua shook his head, ignoring the pain, and finally taking the few steps.

He was abruptly stopped short by his suitcase, stopping to hoist his luggage up and carrying up the flight of stairs. He set the suitcase down, staring through the clear doors. There were maybe three people scattered around the lobby, and a small group of teenagers in school uniforms, heading into the stairwell.

Joshua gulped, walking towards the front desk.

“Hello, how can I help you?” The lady asked him.

“Hi, I’m Josh- I mean, Hong Jisoo. I’m a new trainee..?”

His heartbeat was the only thing he could hear as she was typing on the computer.

“You can meet some of the other trainees upstairs. Welcome to Pledis Entertainment!”

He gave a shaky nod, about to turn away, but then turning back.

“U-Uh.. I was told I would be housed? Where would that be?”

The receptionist lady nodded again, looking up the computer.

“I’ll send down a trainee in your dorm to lead you there. It’s just a short walk from the building. Go ahead and wait down here.”

Joshua walked away, listening to her speaking rapid Korean, and he missed some of the words. Because of how late it was, several students were walking in to the building with packs of their friends, going up the stairs to where he could only guess was where they trained.

Did they live here? Did they live with him? How many people would he be training with?

Joshua’s leg bounced up and down with anticipation, rehearsing korean phrases in his head so he wouldn’t sound like a total foreigner.

_ You  _ are  _ a foreigner, stupid! _

He suddenly winced, the ankle pain going up his leg again, but this time pulsing, like his soulmate was walking on it. 

_ Ah.. I hope they take care of themselves. _

His thoughts traveled to all the pain he’s ever felt from his soulmate. Years of a seemingly constant sore back, strained muscles, even.. a few beatings. Joshua wanted to meet his soulmate, wanted to protect them from whatever they go through.

“Jisoo?” A young voice called his name, and he perked up.

A short boy was standing in the doorway to the stairwell where he had seen people going up. He had crooked teeth and fluffy hair, looked like a foreigner like him!

He stood up, “That’s me.”

His korean slipped off his tongue a little odd, but that didn’t stop the boy from smiling at him and walking over.

“Are you the new trainee for Seventeen?” He asked, waiting for the older to gather his belongings.

“Y-Yeah, I was told the company would be rooming me..” He trailed off a little, trying to articulate his words properly.

“That’s so cool! I hope you’re up for it.” He gave a toothy smile, making Joshua’s heart skip a beat.

_ This kid is adorable. _

“Oh! My name is Hansol, I’m probably younger than you, so you’re my hyung.” He switched to formalities in an instant.

The two had a weird connection, probably due to their synchronize awkwardness, and Joshua nodded. The two shook hands and Hansol bowed a little. The older was a little awkward, then quickly bowed back to him.

“I-I’m new to Korea, sorry, I don’t know some of the.. um.. cultural norms, I guess.” He muttered, cheeks tinging pink from embarrassment. 

“Oh, where are you from?” Hansol had started walking towards the building entrance, and the older followed.

“LA, in America.”

“Oh really?” Hansol spoke in perfect english, “That’s so cool! I was born in New York, but I came here when I was really young.”

Pressure was lifted from his stomach, and he felt like he could breathe again. He found someone he could be comfortable with, and that was all he was looking for at this point.

“Yeah.. I was just scouted a few days ago, and— well, my family is korean, but I spoke a lot of korean at home in bits and pieces. You’re the first person to speak something familiar in what feels like a long time.”

They were walking down the streets, towards an alleyway with doors littering the sides. Aimless chat in a familiar language helped the boy ease the tension that stuck to his shoulders like glue.

“We dorm with.. uh.. I think 13 other people? 15 people in total. All of them are in school, so we practice on breaks and after school a lot.”

Joshua raised his eyebrows in a moment of shock, “That many people?”

The shorter gave an airy laugh, “Yeah, the company wants us to debut as 17 members, so they’re scouting for people. The actual members won’t be fully decided for a while though..”

A soft silence fell between the two, but curiosity scratched at Joshua’s mind, wanting to know more about the younger. Something to make him feel more at ease, more familiar in this place he knew almost nothing about.

“What school do you go to?” Joshua’s voice filled the silence.

He could sense the slight alarm from the younger, and Joshua’s stomach twisted a little.

“Ah.. I dropped out to focus on training. My parents were okay with it, but.. yeah. The foreign members and I don’t go to school with the others.” Hansol scratched his neck, craning his neck a little awkwardly.

“Oh, sorry for bringing it up.”

A new silence settled between them, discomfort engulfing the air as they walked side by side. Neither spoke, too scared to disrupt the silence in the chance it’ll make it worse.

“Well, uh, this us our building. We live up a flight of stairs and we all share rooms.” Hansol opened the door for the other, dragging luggage in behind him.

“Do I have a bed for me already?” He asked, once the two were in the cramped building.

“Yeah, but the dorm is a little cramped. I think dorms in America are usually a lot bigger, but it’ll be really cramped at first,” He was kind of rambling, but Joshua didn’t mind, liking the familiarity he seemed to have grasp on him already, “But, trust me, soon it’ll feel super empty if one person is missing.”

“Oh— by the way, I— uh— I prefer being called Joshua, if you don’t mind.”

Hansol turned around, giving a beaming smile, “Don’t worry, I’ll call you Joshua if you call me Vernon.”

“Vernon? Is that your english name?”

He gave a thoughtful smile, “My mom gave me that name.”

For some reason, his words held more weight than it simply seemed.

  
  


 

“Hello! I am Jisoo, please anticipate me!”

He bowed to the camera that streamed to the web, the members around him clapping for him and making ‘whoop’ing noises.

“Alright, you can all separate to your assigned groups and continue training. Thank you.”

Everyone around him wore shirts with their names printed on the front. Joshua had ‘Jisoo’ and Vernon had ‘Hansol’, as their actual names would become their stage names later. No, they were not confirmed, but many speculated that most of the current members would end up in the final line-up.

They were all assigned a project of creating a performance for the end of the season, and had the option of getting into groups. They had times where they’d just lounge around the practice room, even going into the small rooms for screen time with another person or two.

The first slots of the day happened to be Joshua, Vernon, and Samuel, but they could kind of do whatever. Joshua had gotten to meet Samuel when Vernon introduced him to the rest of the trainees after showing him the dorm. The youngest had been very enthusiastic to meet another english-speaker, and they were quickly dubbed as ‘English Line’. Knowing that the three would have to entertain viewers for a little while, the two headed towards the side room— which was a little too much like a closet —and prepared to do something for whoever was watching them.

Lately, the weeks leading up to Joshua’s introduction to the trainee group, his soulmate hadn’t had any major pain. Of course, the back was always a little tight and sore, but because it was such a normality at this point, he could only really feel the pain when it dissipated.

Truth be told, Joshua was a little nervous about being on camera. For a smaller company, the trainees already had a little bit of a following and he was hoping they’d accept him. During the month before this day, he spent hours upon hours learning and perfecting his korean, learning how he would have to act and everything about South Korea he didn’t know before. He was given strict rules on what he can and cannot say, rules about how to act and what’s forbidden. It was a lot of stressful work to cram into his head, but he was able to do it at some point.

“Joshua! Lets go!” Samuel called out to him, giving him that big grin that made everybody melt a little.

“I’m coming!” He answered, seeing the youngest disappear into the little room they were gonna sit in.

He made his way over to the room, holding back a wince when a dull stretching pain went through the upper part of his back. Regarding the sensation from his soulmate, he walked into the little room where Vernon was typing before stretching his arms above his head.

“Mmh.. my neck.” He muttered in english, going back to typing on the computer.

“We should talk in english, if there are any international viewers!” Samuel piped up, grabbing Joshua’s hand and tugging a little.

“Yeah, that’d be fun!” He sat down, setting Samuel into his lap.

The three of them fell into a silence, laughing a little bit before Vernon kept typing onto the laptop.

“Do we wanna sing songs or something in english?” Vernon had piped up, gesturing to the screen with youtube pulled up.

“Yeah! I wanna pick a song!” Samuel nearly leaped out of his lap, accidentally kicking Joshua’s shin.

“Ouch!” Joshua exclaimed, holding his shin.

Samuel turned, his back facing a shocked Vernon who had his mouth open. His eyes flickered to where Joshua was rubbing his leg, and back to the computer. He sat up straight, Samuel breaking into a fit of giggles as he took a seat on Vernon’s lap instead. 

Joshua only glanced at the youngers, lightly smacking Samuel’s thigh.

Unfortunately, Samuel got very comfortable with Joshua very fast since they’re both foreign, and Joshua had a soft spot for him.

Thus, Samuel smacked Joshua’s thigh back. Not hard enough to hurt, but when the older punched Samuel’s arm, he punched back with a surprisingly  _ mighty  _ fist.

“Hey!” He whined, rubbing his arm.

Vernon stared at the two again, his eyes going a little wide.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” He said, nudging Samuel off his lap.

“Awww.. come back fast!” Samuel pouted, taking Vernon’s seat when he closed the door.

When he didn’t come back after ten minutes, Joshua poked his head out of the door and looked around the practice room.

“Uh- Seungcheol!” He called for the slightly older male, seeing him sitting on the floor close to their door.

He turned his head, looking at Joshua, “Yeah?”

“Have you seen where Hansol went?” He slipped out of the door, speaking a little quieter so the cameras don't pick his voice up.

His eyebrows furrowed a little, and Seungcheol motioned for him to come closer. He did, closing the door behind him and sitting next to his friend.

“Hansol went home, he said he felt sick, so a noona escorted him back to the dorms to rest.”

Joshua frowned a little, “Am I allowed to go and check on him?”

Seungcheol shook his head lightly, “The staff will be really mad. Just check on him later.”

The younger gave a little nod, retreating back into the room where Samuel was talking animatedly to the camera while searching up songs on YouTube. It was gonna be a long session.

  
  
  


Joshua was first back to the dorms, the others not noticing the foreigner slip away right before today’s broadcast ended. He tried to be quiet, looking around the small space for Vernon.

“Vernon?” He called out timidly, closing the door behind him.

He wasn’t in the living room, so must be hiding in his bed. That was where Joshua decided to make his way to next, slipping his shoes off with barely any sound. He peeked into the room Vernon slept in, seeing him sound asleep on his bunk. He was bundled up in covers, his phone playing a song quietly on repeat.

“Nonnie?” He called out, walking over to his bunk and standing on the ladder to see him properly, since he slept on the top.

“Mnngh.” The younger groaned, pulling the blanket closer around him.

“Vernon, you okay? Seungcheol said you left because you didn’t feel good. Do you want anything?”

Joshua absentmindedly rubbed Vernon’s back, his brows furrowing in worry at the abundance of knots that he could feel under the muscle.

“My back just hurts..” He mumbled, like a little kid confessing to breaking his moms favorite dish.

“Hey, why do you sound so guilty? I’ll massage it.” He was already moving his hands to his shoulders, but Vernon sat up quickly.

“No—! It’s okay, don’t worry.” He laughed.

Joshua winced as an ache crawled up his spine and up to his neck. But, soulmate pain aside, Vernon was acting strange.

“What’s  _ really _ wrong?” He asked as gently as he could.

They stayed staring at each other for a moment, the shorter’s mouth opening and closing like he was debating on saying something or not. He could see the gears moving on overtime inside his head, whistling loudly as it moved too fast.

Vernon ended up not saying anything, shaking his head after closing his mouth.

Joshua really,  _ really _ didn’t want to pry, but something told him that he wasn’t okay. But.. the best thing he can probably do is leave him alone to sort out his thoughts.

“.. It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I’m gonna go take a shower, and you rest, okay?”

He nodded, grip tightening on the sheets. Joshua was about to walk out the room when he turned around.

“I’m always here for you. I really care about you, alright? Tell me when you’re ready— I won’t push.”

Joshua didn’t see, but Vernon nodded, and made a silent promise to tell the older soon.

  
  
  


“Yeah, I- ack!” Joshua exclaimed again, rubbing his outer thigh.

“What was that?” Jeonghan asked him, setting his luggage in the corner of the room.

“My soulmate. Every week I get a little pinch on my thigh.” He lets out a little breath, “I’m a little scare they’re.. really sick. It feels like shots.”

His new friend gave him a little look of sympathy, “If it’s any help, mine is a clumsy dumbass.”

Both of them chuckled, and leaned against the wall, “Well.. if you want I can leave you to get unpacked. Nobody gets back until a little later because they have school. The only ones here are me and Vernon. Jun is getting korean lessons at the building with the new chinese trainee. I heard his name is Minghao.”

Jeonghan nods, looking around the room, “I appreciate you helping me. I’m going to call my parents and let them know I got here okay.”

The pair bid their goodbyes and Joshua left him be. He wandered around the dorm, going to get something to eat when he heard light footsteps behind him.

“Joshua?” It was Vernon.

In the few months that Joshua had been here, the boy’s voice had started to drop and become very masculine. It almost startled him to an extent.

“Yeah?” He faced the younger, seeing him with ruffled fluffy hair and deep bags under his eyes.

Joshua was immediately overcome with concern, taking a few steps towards him, “Are you okay? You seem really tired.”

He just shook his head, shrugging, “I.. I dunno. I’m tired, but I just..”

He trailed off, his head hanging a little, like he was defeated.

“..Do you wanna go in your room and relax for a little?” He offered, putting an arm around him lightly.

Joshua had become accustomed to the skinship that was considered normal, and if he was being honest with himself, he really liked how much more free it was to show affection to a friend here.

Vernon’s shoulders shook, his breath coming out shaky like he was trying not to cry, “Y-Yeah..”

Joshua only nodded, ushering them both to the room that Vernon slept in. They were quiet, sitting down on his bed (which had moved to a bottom bunk), and leaning against the wall.

“Is there something in particular?” He murmured, rubbing Vernon’s shoulder lightly.

He could tell that his mind was whirling, and thoughts flitted through his brain at light speed. There was something on the tip of his tongue, but it was almost like something caged his teeth closed.

“I- I trust you.. A lot, hyung.” He was suddenly speaking in korean, his hands balling up and wrinkling his shorts.

“I’m glad you do.. You’re the person who’s closest to me, if I’m being honest.” He gave a little chuckle, trying to lighten whatever was on his mind.

There was a little moment of quiet, then Vernon spoke up again.

“What would.. What would you do.. If you found your soulmate?” Vernon said it like a whisper, like it was something that wasn’t to be talked about.

To be fair, idols usually didn’t mention their soulmates on broadcasts if they hadn’t found them yet, so the hesitance was probably from his upbringing in another country. Nevertheless, Joshua hadn’t really thought about it that much, only about who he thought his soulmate was.

“Well… I think I would love my soulmate. I would try and care for them the best I could.. And… I’d try to make sure that our relationship would be good.” He wasn’t sure what else to say.

Vernon nodded, taking another beat of silence to digest what was said to him.

“..What if your soulmate was someone you already know? L-Like.. And… maybe you were scared they wouldn’t accept you?”

_ Had Vernon found his soulmate already? _

There was a an unexplainable little drop in his heart, but he took a moment to try and articulate his answer the best he could.

“Well… I kinda feel the same way,” He had started, “I grew up and realized I was.. Um.. gay in middle school. But in high school, I figured out my soulmate might not be a guy, but that’s okay. I think.. That the universe has soulmates for a reason. I think that even if you think you have one type, and your soulmate isn’t what you imagined, you’ll love them anyway.”

Joshua paused, scanning for a reaction from the younger.

“If your soulmate sees you and doesn’t accept you over something extremely trivial, like being an idol, or being a boy.. Then there’s probably someone just like you out there that’s made for you. But.. I hope that never happens to you.” Joshua finished his mini-speech.

There was a lull between the two, the words being taken in and rolled around in the other’s head.

“Thank you, hyung. I.. really needed that.”

Joshua didn’t say anything, just hugged the younger and laid them down.

“Let’s nap, yeah? Just until the others get home.”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

  
  
  


Months had passed, and the final lineup for Pledis’ new boy group was finally decided. Thirteen boys, fighting through poor management and endless training, finally reached the doorway to a debut. Joshua couldn’t count the amount of times he ended up hurting himself from training too hard, and other members as well. It was so much, he eventually couldn’t distinguish pain from him or his soulmate.

But, that wasn’t what mattered right now. All the thirteen boys were celebrating in their dorm, their last day off before preparing for their debut in May. Soonyoung had even forced Jihoon back to the dorm for a day off, even though the latter was stressing his head off in needing to perfect their song.

Vernon, however, wasn’t in the living area with everybody. With this many bodies, it was easy to lose someone if they slipped away, but Joshua always had a weird connection with him. His absence didn’t go unnoticed, and Joshua excused himself to go towards their rooms.

The only room with the door closed was Vernons, and he could only assume that he was in there. Before he could get to the door, there was a pain that shot through his ribs, and he clutched his chest and leaned against the wall. It was like the first time he felt his soulmate’s pain, a tightening feeling that rendered him unable to breathe properly. But, this time, it felt like cramps that attacked his rib muscles, digging into his shoulders and crawling up his neck.

Joshua faintly heard a whimper from Vernon’s room, and tried to set aside his soulmate’s pain for now.

“Vernon?” He knocked lightly, but was given no answer.

His ribs cramped again, and the pain was getting worse. Once again, he heard a whimper, like Vernon was crying. A powerful wave of  _ need  _ washed over him, a  _ need  _ to protect from what was making him cry, a  _ need  _ to comfort the younger, and his hand found the doorknob instantly.

Vernon was standing in front of a mirror, crying while trying to tighten something around his chest. The younger whipped around, like he was caught in the middle of a crime. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheek wet with dripping tears.

Joshua didn’t know what he was doing, or what he was looking at, but all he knew was that Vernon was in pain. He closed the door behind him, rushing over to the younger and engulfing him in a hug. He didn’t hug back, but his grip loosened on the binder he was trying to tighten.

Joshua looked around the room, spotting a tee on the bed, and pulling away to grab it.

“Vernon, take that off, put this on. Please..” He whispered, looking the boy in the eyes.

There were no words, only sniffles and slow movements to put the shirt on, the binder falling off once it was unhooked. There was an instant relief on Joshua’s chest, his back still sore but not in pain like it was before he walked into the room. Slowly, the dots connected in his brain. The pricks on his thigh, the chest pains, the scarily similar injuries the two seemed to get.

“You’re my soulmate.” He breathed out to Vernon.

He didn’t say anything, but he could  _ feel _ what he wanted to say. A million words trying to come together for some explanation.

Vernon was trans. And Vernon wore a binder, and took testosterone shots, and has been passing to everybody he knew ever since he met Joshua. The only people that would know would be.. Maybe the managers. But even then, maybe not.

There was an image in his mind of when the two of them were talking months ago, about what they would do if they found their soulmates, and everything made sense.

“H-Hyung… I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t apologize. You don’t need to apologize for being you.” He whispered, putting his hands on Vernon’s cheeks.

Neither of them really knew what to say in light of the situation. The complete vulnerability between them had finally opened, exposed for their eyes to explore the deepest secrets that nobody else knew.

Deep in his brain, there was someone screaming, that Vernon must be absolutely terrified in this moment. But Joshua had never been in a situation like this. Never accidentally found out something like this, nonetheless about his  _ soulmate _ . His voice was frozen, but he wanted to comfort him. To somehow show him that he was loved. That he was accepted for everything he was.

“Vernon… I-I… don’t know what to say.” He spoke what he thought, letting the younger know what was really going on in his head.

“We- We’re soulmates.” Vernon said, his voice less shaky, but still a little stutter.

Joshua nodded slowly, “Let’s sit down, alright?”

The two of them sat on Vernon’s bed, facing each other, but Vernon was staring at his lap.

“I know you have a lot you want to say, so you can go first, alright?” Joshua spoke gently, in english, so nobody else would understand if they were to eavesdrop on them.

A beat of silence.

“I.. I found out we were soulmates a while ago, but I was- I was scared that you would reject me,” His voice cracked a little, and there were new tears slipping from his eyes, “I made a promise that I’d tell you eventually.. But I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I don’t want you to be mad at me.. I just… I don’t know.”

“I’m not mad at you, Vernon.” Joshua started, reaching forward to grab his hand, “I understand why you didn’t tell me. It’s a hefty secret. But.. that doesn’t change how I see you. The only thing that changes how I see you is the fact that we’re soulmates and.. And that I’m not a bad soulmate for liking you when I didn’t know who my soulmate was.”

There was a little chuckle from the younger, the air becoming lighter between them, “...So, does this mean.. We’re boyfriends now?”

Joshua smiled at him, rubbing his thumb over Vernon’s knuckles, “If you want us to be, then yes.”

“I’d love that.”

  
  
  
  


Rain splattered across the window of the hotel room, the only real light coming from Vernon’s cell phone as he played games on it. There was a slight ache in his head, and his heels hurt- but that wasn’t from him. It was from Joshua, who had gone out to the local convenience store for Tylenol and some snacks for the couple.

Vernon closed the game he was playing, opting to scroll through social media instead. He had just recently posted a picture of his blonde hair for the new era, and many people were talking about his scalp, and the transition from black hair to blonde. It made him laugh a little, remembering the stinging that was on his scalp and Joshua’s scalp from the dye.

“I’m back,” Joshua’s voice floated through the air, door opening with a little  _ beep _ .

He had a plastic bag with a few candies and chips in it, along with a bottle of pills on top. Vernon sat up, reaching his hand out for a bag of chips.

“Take some Tylenol, I can feel your head pounding.” He mumbled, opening the bag to start eating.

“Yeah, well, I can feel your hurt knee, so you better take some too.” Joshua retorted, shoving his shoes off.

Both of them sighed a little when it lessened the hurt on Joshua’s heels. Joshua shoved his jeans off, flicking the lamp on, and taking his place next to Vernon. Just like second nature, Joshua wrapped an arm around him, letting the younger rest his head on his shoulder.

“How’re you feeling? It’s mostly healed, right?” Joshua’s hand traced idle circles around his soulmates bicep.

Vernon gave a beaming smile to the elder, nodding, “It doesn’t hurt, but you know that. I’m just.. Really happy. Really, really happy.”

Joshua nodded, smiling and kissing his soulmates forehead.

“I can finally get rid of those cursed binders. You leave them everywhere in our room.” Joshua snorted, and received a light slap on the thigh.

“Ow! Why would you even do that, you feel it too!”

“Yeah, but you deserved it.”

They fell silent, then laughter bubbled between them. For the rest of the night, idle chat and youtube videos kept the couple company until they laid down to fall asleep.

“Hey, Josh?” Vernon piped up, his face half smushed by the pillow.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

Joshua smiled, kissing the nape of his lover’s neck, “I love you too.”


End file.
